So our 2nd anniversary is coming up and I figured we'd spare no expense this year, even given the bad economy, and me being without a job for 6 months. I figured we'd go somewhere we'd never been before, together. Aha....how about the LA County Fair? I haven't been there in years, Monica, has never been there, and I'd figure she was long overdue for throwing stuffed animals back at carnie folk. (Ask her about that one)
So we get in the car, drive down to the fairplex. General parking is 10 bucks, VIP parking is 17. We were corralled through like cattle to get into the parking lot. General parking was routed right down the drag strip, where they hold the winternationals every year. We couldn't believe how close the stands were to the actual strip. I could only imagine what could happen if those cars blew up or lost control and careened into the stands, at that range. If only that could happen when the Blue Collar Comedy guys were present.....(definitely not a fan). Can you imagine? In lane #1 Hick Du Jour, bear with me, he's French-Arkansasnian. Top fuel dragtser/funny car and double wide champion. Pedal to the metal.....careening down the strip, wipes out the good ol boys and the, "you might be a redneck", guy.
Anyway, pass the drag strip and park about 1/2 mile form the entry......no joke. They had trams, much like Disneyland going through the parking lot taking people to and from the fair. We parked in section 20. Great job by the way to the guys directing traffic. Nothing better than a mass of listless drivers wandering around aimlessly through the parking, speeding to the next closest spot, which in reality may have been maybe 20-30 yards from where we were.
The tram sucks. We couldn't get on it to the fair, and we couldn't get on it from the fair, go figure. By the way, judging by the makeup of the crowd, the word "tram" is just a nice way of saying, "fat freighter". Why not just call it, by it's real name, "The Rascal", mass transit edition.
Last time I went to the fair it was a few bucks, I think like 5 or so. It's 17 f'n bucks to get in. This isn't Disneyland, nor even Knott's Berry Farm, this is the f'n fair. Ok whatever. We get the tickets, proceed to the gate. The lady takes a quick look into Monica's purse. Yeah like, we're really going to throw down at the fair. Gimme a break.
We got in on the side with all the games and rides. Being that it was already nighttime when we got there, I was all spun around. It's not like going back to the hood after years of living in the burbs, and recognizing all the old places. They switched everything around. The map wasn't too helpful either. We wandered around like a bunch of drunks.....like everybody else, and ended up in kiddie land, or "Wilderness Ridge", as they named it. We saw a bunch of animals that they brought in from Australia. Kangaroos, wallabees, an emu, a binturong, porcupines, etc. It was a nice display. Would've been better had it been lit up, so we could see most of the animals.
We then wandered down to an area where they had a bunch of dog show booths. I didn't notice it right away, but the Pit Boss guys were there. We had just missed seeing Shorty and the girl from the show. Ronald was there, for those who are familiar with the show. That was cool. It was 10 bucks to have a picture taken with Shorty. Too bad he wasn't there, I would've wanted to see him and talk to him. Oh well.
Next stop....off to find the elusive fried "anything you can think of" stand. We found one. I had never tried any of the stuff, because I've got the picture and the feeling in the back of my throat, of guzzling down all the grease and oil that they use. We got the deep fried Klondike bar. It wasn't too bad. The batter tasted like a mix of beer batter and pancake mix. Not quite worth all the hype. We had to navigate through the crowd, off to the side of the human body exhibit in order to eat it. We both attacked it like a pair of crazed raccoons. Neither of us had eaten much during the day.
After we finished with the ice cream, we decide we'd check out the human body exhibit. We had been to one of these before, over at the Museum of Science and History a couple years back. It's interesting how they cam plastinate the human body and carve it up into sections, strip away the skin, nerves, organs, etc. Overall though it was a little disappointing. We've seen what I would consider the cadillac of exhibitions, this one seemed kinda cheesy. I don't know whether it was the way some of the pieces looked, but some of them looked fake. I can appreciate the realism of the show, but c'mon do you really need to paint parts of the heart blue? And another thing, how about a little dignity for the male and female specimens. They're already up there exposing themselves to the public. You couldn't take the time to shave ass hair off the guy whose pelvis was sectioned in half for everyone to see? How about taking a section through my sense of disappointment? The female specimen? I'm sorry ladies, but either it's a practical joke or the donor had something goin on. This was in the reproductive organ section, where they show the outer bits and how they relate to the innards. Put it this way, the outer bits,(lips) looked like they came off a Clydesdale horse, without the nostrils....turned sidewise.... not even joking. I'm completely turned on at this point.
All in all I was both intrigued and disappointed. Now I know what happens to the Chinese teams that lose out in the olympics, they're plastinated and put on display. It's a display of shame in China. Over here it's scientific and groundbreaking.
C'mon you know they're of Asian decent. None of those specimens male nor female had any ass, nor boobs for that matter. They're all toned up and short. The men have small dongs, the women are small, except for the one with the lip issue. I'm thinking she was Korean, her name was Heeyoo J. Lyp. It's a stretch I know.
One last thing then I'll move on. They took the time to strip away the skin, nerves, etc. They still left the patch of skin where the eyebrows were, with a 5 o' clock shadow of an eyebrow on there. I don't know that I need to be concerned about what their expression is/was. That's a little creepy, but if you're going to leave it on, here's a tip. How about changing the moods of the specimens. We could have a happy, a sad, an angry, an excited, and an "Oh shit! I'm about to be plastinated", look.
Onwards. We walked around looking through the exhibition halls. I used to like doing that with my parents when we were younger. You'd get to see new and upcoming products that you could buy really cheap, before they hit the big time. Now that I'm older and wiser, it's essentially a gathering place for people looking to buy shitty stuff. Everything from assorted cheeses, dips, to electronic muscle massagers, yes I fell victim to that one. 150 bucks for a p.o.s. that supposedly massages you by shocking you. Here's a shocker....I'm not buying it buddy. All sorts of knick knacks that you'll never be able to get your money back from, because the seller used it to feed his/her, meth/alcohol addiction. On top of that it's a great place for pyramid schemers to pick up new clients, or stepping stones. We walked through a few of the halls and then went looking for food.
I haven't been to the fair in a while, and I knew things back then were expensive. Things have not changed, shocker. We ended up settling on hotdogs for dinner. 8 bucks each, plain. At least mine was plain. Monica had them throw on some grilled veggies. I should've followed suit, but I'm more of a purist, ketchup only, this time around.
The hotdogs looked good when we passed them the first time. They were fresh off the grill, but we went to the exhibit halls first. When we finally found the place afterwards, I was expecting a fresh dog off the grill. Instead we got the ones that had been overcooked and had been sitting around for awhile. They looked like old pieces of rope, or better yet a well worn, broken in, brown leather shoe,and they were salty. Disappointing.
We decided to head out. We were well on the other side of the venue, so it was going to be along walk back, unless we could find/get on the tram. Yeah.....that didn't happen. So that ended our fair experience for the day.
