It's always the day after that hurts the most. Last night it hadn't entirely sunken.
I got into work this morning and started typing up my response to her last email, which included her being ready to file for divorce. I was ok for a bit, had a good friend of mine help me weed through the draft and sharpen it to a fine point.
While going through it, I couldn't help but cry. I tried so hard to hold it back and was able to put it at bay temporarily, but it kept flowing.
I've somewhat stabilized myself for the time being, but even as I write this the tears are starting to form. I'm leaving work early today, to hang out with a good friend.
Why am I crying? I'm crying because the unknown is now a reality, and even though I've gotten stronger I can't deny how I feel. I did everything that I could to make this right, while she sat back and did nothing. She decided to walk rather than face the issues at hand. Quitter!
Then why
It always hits hardest the day after. I came into work this morning and began typing my response to her email, including the part about being ready to file for divorce.
I was ok up until a good friend started to help me refine my response to a fine point. Then the rain started pouring. I did my best to stop it at times. I'm leaving early today. Going to hang out with a good friend.
Why am I crying?
I put my best effort forward to save this, while she did nothing. She's choosing to dodge the issues and quit. Quitter!
Why am I crying?
I did everything you could. I deserve better. She's only going to repeat her behaviors with someone else. I don't need that.
I'm upset because I've lost so much over the last year and a half despite my best efforts to sustain them. Our house, my job, unemployment, my wife, my job again! What the fuck? It's no reason why I'm allowing myself to feel this way.
I don't feel welcome anywhere. I feel lost. Nowhere feels comfortable right now. I'm considering packing up and moving out of state.
That's all for now.
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