Out dancing, which used to help me get away. Not tonight, even with the live band. Finding myself thinking about the end. Imagining myself without her, and at the same time, not feeling like I belong here. Now I'm not thinking anything crazy. Just feeling lost. No other way to explain it, but it's an overwhelming feeling of not really feeling. It feels empty.
I'm going back and forth, even still. Do I want her back or not? Why does this have to be so torturous? Why not cut my losses and get outta town. I'm getting the feeling of not belonging in California anymore. It seems like such an easy decision. I wouldn't have to worry about seeing her with someone else.
This is me and how I have handled breakups in the past. But this was different, this is my wife. Essentially a glorified girlfriend for life, ring and all. Why isn't this working out like all the other marriages? Yeah we all have problems, but why call it quits after only 2+ years?
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