Took a seat on the rollercoaster

So yesterday I took a seat on the rollercoaster. It wasn't a fun ride. I went through the whole range of emotions. Found myself slipping back into a place that I had tried so hard to leave, the last couple months. My eyes still burn from yesterday's tears. I feel tired and exhausted, but I'm here at work, the least place I'd rather be but it's better than anywhere else. It'll keep me busy, for the time being, but it's not going to make me happy.

This is possibly the stupidest thing to say, and I know it, but I'm going to let it out. My life is over.

Now, allow me to contradict myself. My life is not over. Yes, the last year and a half has been shitty, that's a given. No one can make me happy but myself. I cannot expect others to be able to make me happy. If I'm not happy, then it's up to me to do something about it. It's time to stop being passive aggressive, and start focusing on myself. That's where my head has been, and that's where it should be now.

I can't undo the last 5 and a half years of my life. Yesterday I told my good friend Tim, that I felt like I wasted my time. I haven't wasted anything. This was an experience to learn from. It will only prepare me for the next bigger, better step in my life.

Don't get hungry
Don't get angry
Don't get lonely
Don't get tired








Now is not the time to make big decisions. My gut reaction is to pack everything up and disappear, elsewhere. But I have to heal myself first. If I don't allow myself to go through the whole range of emotions, it will haunt me anywhere I go.